there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm like, not good at living.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
