You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
