I need help removing her.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
