They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
