she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
there is puke in my bra ... again
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