i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Do you remember whose house we're in?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
