I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
