Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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