his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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