Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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