i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
