every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
