There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
