I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
