I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
