a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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