Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
