i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
