Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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