Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
