Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
