i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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