Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
