why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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