I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
