so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
