Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
