I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
