So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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