she was so not down for the gang bang
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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