Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
