CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
