this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
