Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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