i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
