If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
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