so explain again why im purple
no
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
