"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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