His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
