Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
