1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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