Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
