My nipple is on Facebook.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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