I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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