There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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