the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
