just come out here and I will go home with you...
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
