If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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