i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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