Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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