i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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