better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
