Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
