I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
My vagina is officially offended.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
