Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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