She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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