Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
