Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Did I show you my penis last night?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
