I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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