Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
there is glitter all over my balls
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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