oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
