Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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