I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
